The life God has birthed through me has been one of endless trial by suffering. One layer of turmoil after another. As another descent opens its ways I grip with white knuckles as I’m swallowed into the bowels of my own psyche

As it delivers me to the end of each cycle, stripped of another layer of an identity that fast becomes just that. An identity, one among many that fall to the ground like leaves in an autumn breeze. Each time, a once distant melody comes just a little closer. Its become more and more clear. It sings-

“Remember me. Remember that I am here. I am in all things, see me here”

& for moments that become longer and longer I remember that my divine spirit is bringing me back home. That each threshold is relieving me of the illusions and distortions that have been placed over the illumination of my spirit as I’ve walked through the wilderness of life time and time again

That even in these turning wheels of dismemberment, God is ever present. Singing songs of remembrance to the children of creation, so we might not forget the union of our divine being. That we are made of the heavens, and the soil

Our beloved Creator birthed the night and the day. We have the choice to surrender our suffering, and open our eyes to God’s force thriving through all that is. Through each space of existence, our Creator’s hand is present. Calling us to remember that we are eternal

I’ve been having this vision lately of myself in a pestle mortar being ground up into this black powder, and a voice saying

‘And you become medicine’

This has been giving me so much peace, as I stand with life as naked as I have ever been. I think of all of the potions I’ve made from grounding, smashing, stewing, infusing, and alchemizing into new form. & so it becomes medicine, and so do I

In this place where I have been stripped beyond my bones, I am finding faith and belief. I have experienced enough of the other ways, of gripping, and clenching, and fearing. To now be curious enough to touch my toes into the waters of faith. I’m by no means fully submerged, but I can say my toes are feeling pretty good in these waters right now

Still surrendering into union with them completely, really heeding the call and doing whatever that would require of me has kept me on an invisible fence. Contributing to even more catastrophe, and upheaval in my life. As I grip to the familiar side of the fence, and say maybe to the other side that is trying to carry me into the eye of an unknown storm

Walking with God, in longing to reunite with my beloved Creator has been to jump in the deep end of life, of myself, and be purified of everything that would keep us separate in the holy bed chambers in the kingdom of heaven

It’s an ongoing story being told through each and every one of us. Through each moment I’m gifted. One that I am so honored to contribute to, pestle mortar or fuzzy bunnies. On I walk with God, to God, as God, in devotion

Marisha An

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